Death of a Friend

I heard her pant pretty heavily and turned on the AC.  I checked on Subaka, a brindled mutt we had bought at a rescue in NY.  She was panting but still resting on her bed.  It was quite hot in the room.

As it cooled I heard her pant less.  She has been acting sick the last few days.  Since she was drinking water and going to the bathroom outside, I wasn't as concerned as I should have been.  Mike had mentioned calling the vet if she didn't get better that morning.

The next morning she stood at the top of the stairs.

"Wanna go outside?" I asked.

She looked at me and wagged her tail.  She looked a little perkier this morning.  I was certainly relieved.  Maybe she will get better.  I even had to stop her from running down the stairs.  She had injured herself a few weeks ago and I wanted to make sure that she didn't do it again.

I grabbed her bowl and filled it with water and brought it down the steps with her.  She immediately drank most of the water in the bowl, then laid herself down in her favorite sunning spot.

I quickly put a couple of scoops of canned turkey in her food bowl.  The stuff was a bit pricey, but I thought it might entice her to eat.  I set it next to her head and then headed back up the porch to feed the kids.

While I was finishing up (about a half an hour later), Sarah comes in and says "Subaka is just laying there".
I immediately knew what that meant and I thought, "But she was doing better!".  I ran to the top of the deck stairs and looked down.  She was laying facing away from the steps with her back legs spread out.  Not a positions that she she normally sleeps in.

I ran back inside.

"Mike," I said, "Subaka's gone."

He gave me an odd look.

"You know, gone?"  I didn't want the kids get all riled up just yet, but he still had this odd look on his face. I later found out that he had thought that I meant that she escaped.  She had done this before and Mike was trying how to figure out how she did that in her condition.

"She's dead, Mike," I said, finally.  None of the kids seemed to have heard me except Sarah who was standing right next to me.

Mike followed me to where Subaka was.  I stroked her fur.  She was still warm.  There were just a few flies on her that immediately flew off when I reached down.  I really wished I sat at that bottom step instead of rushing off.

Mike went off to get the wheelbarrow and I went to break the news to the kids.  Michala was the most vocal and the tears started to flow.  Sarah and Nathan were more quiet but the tears flowed nonetheless.  Stephanie was still trying to comprehend the situation.

"Subaka die?" She asked.

"Yes, she died", I responded.

"Oh.  She respawn?" She asked this in reference to Roblox in where if the the character "dies", it respawns on a marked spawn point.

"Maybe in Doggy heaven?" Okay, maybe I shouldn't have told her that, but I wasn't sure what to tell her.  Later, she would explain to me in the best way that a four-year-old could that Subaka is dead and isn't coming back "'cause dogs don't go to heaven, 'cause, they're dogs, 'cause, she not my friend anymore, 'cause, she died, 'cause, I like oranges".  Yeah, we had several conversations like that:  Sad and probably just as confusing as her thoughts were to her.

Mike took Subaka to the back yard and dug a hole.  Four of the kids were watching.  Nathan had decided to play a video game at that point.  He came out later to watch her be buried.

Mike thought that maybe he could also have a symbolic service and gave each of the kids a doggie treat to toss into the grave to "send her on her way".  Everyone tossed the dog biscuit in except Benjamin and Stephanie, who held it and waited for Subaka to come and get it.  That's when I started to cry.

After Mike finished filling the hole with dirt, I went inside.  I was unable to focus so I just walked to the back porch and leaned on the railing.

The back yard looked really empty.